Hey!!How are you guys doing? I have been so busy these days you know it’s the end of the year and now is the time you have to complete all the work that you have been procrastinating to do but what so ever I was feeling quite low this week and had a really deep weird conversation about life with my best friend as we were discussing I thought that I should share some part of it here on my blog and hopefully someone can relate.
People often ask “what’s wrong” or “Is everything okay” when they notice that you look puzzled but I just reply with “nothing” and make sure they believe me but today I have an answer for this question:
Standing ….I just keep twisting the ring on my finger.
Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world and that I have everything and everyone and sometimes I feel like I have nothing, like a man standing in the middle of a desert all alone and you know what I am tired really tired that I just want this time to stop and let be breath let me live cause I always feel like I am in a game, the timer is going on and I am going to lose this game called life and if you have anxiety you can probably relate to my next line “It’s probably my fault” yes I feel like this about everything and even about situations that I don’t even link up with but still my brain it keeps reminding me that I am the reason “This” took place.
While saying all of this let me say that I am not sad or unhappy, I am happy I have people who love, understand and support me and I am grateful for them and that’s why I am writing this because a lot of people think that if I have anxiety I cannot be happy and trust me it’s not like that at least for me I do feel the above things but I am happy in my life too I have people who care for me and support me in my hard times but there and times when I feel low when I feel like I am all alone and that everyone is going to leave me and that is anxiety for me maybe that’s not what you feel or you think but here I am just tell how I feel and maybe you can relate to some parts of it.
if you have any suggestions or questions please drop them in the comment box.
I lost my best friend. All my school life I had one best friend we were friends from the first day of school and we stuck together for thirteen years. we were great friends. You must be thinking wow a friendship of that many years must be so strong and I was thinking the same thing but well……
When people come up to you and say that either they are “done” with you or that the friendship or relationship is “over” it hurts, you feel miserable you feel like someone stabbed a knife through your heart but you know what hurts the most or more is that when someone doesn’t even think that you are important enough for the last good bye, when some just doesn’t give a damn, when someone knows that they are hurting you and making you cry every night but they still don’t care.Yeah something just like that happen with me and I don’t even know why and what really happened I just know that one day my best friend stopped talking to me.It all started when we both decided to chose different High schools as I was in a private school and she wanted to go for a government school but I never thought that that would affect our friend ship I thought we will still hangout or at least talk but suddenly she stopped talking to me and I tried to know why but her cold reaction was enough to break me into pieces I felt alone I felt like it will never be the same again and that I would never trust someone. And this all made me realize that just like there are toxic relationships there are toxic friendships too and I was in one, but I got out of it I left that chapter of my book and moved on and no it was not easy it took me six months but I did move on and I don’t want to be in that situation again.
But the real reason I am writing this blog is not to tell you my story but the reason is to share that things changed and how I went from feeling alone to feeling blessed. so after some months I started my high school and I was not there to get new friends but these last three months of my life made me realize that “if something bad happens something good will for sure come in return” I found a friend or I would really like to say my best friend, at first I could not trust anyone to be my new best friend to be anything for me but he really proved that there are still good people out there and that time really doesn’t matter in friendships because someone who you are friends with from years can really break you and someone you know only from a few weeks can change the way you look at situations.
I thought I should share this as you might be going through something similar but just know that the world doesn’t end there you have other people who care about you and who can understand you it might be hard right now but it will get better.
It has been a month that I haven’t posted anything not even on my instagram I don’t know if some has noticed that in this sea of people of the internet but well I am back and this is my post explaining what was going on so there are two main reasons to not post because firstly my uncle was really ill and he passed away (RIP) which was kind of hard to accept and the second reason is that the same week I had my midterm exams which to be honest went bad and I am worried about grades, this is all that happed in 3 weeks but last week I was having a writer’s block I mean I had Ideas and all but I just couldn’t focus. and following is just my rant about life:
Life is just getting so weird day by day that people don’t even have time to stop and think about what is happening around them or with them or they don’t even realize what they are really doing but we all are just doing something and we don’t know the reason behind it we are just doing it because we have to and this is our life but in my opinion waking up everyday doing the same thing again and again is not what life is, life is way more than just barely living or life is more that just being okay and fine and if you think for me life would be expensive cars and big houses then you are wrong for me life is “moving” and by that I mean that I don’t want my life to be stuck in one simple routine I want to have fun and laugh about stupid things, I don’t want expensive abroad vacations but want to make people smile and yes I know that is such a cheesy and over used line but in a nut shell I want to be happy and that I want to LIVE my life .
Hey guys hope you are doing well. These past few days I have been really anxious it’s not like I feel like this every day, I mean some days are good but some days are worst. Today I felt like I needed some kind of outlet to let these feelings go so for me this blog was my first choice. So these are a few words which somewhat show how I feel:
“I am sacred, sacred of everything thing that don’t even exist and trust me its hard and it gets harder when my hands start to shake my heart rate goes really fast…it gets harder when my hands get sweaty and there are tears down my eyes but….it gets harder when I am scared and it feels like I am trapped and I just cannot move but this, this is not it…it gets harder when I feel like I am all alone in a room full of people, people who just don’t give a damn but trust me ,trust me it gets harder when you feel like you’re are going crazy or you are worth less but it gets the hardest when people just don’t understand…..”
It’s hard to be alright,
It’s hard to be a part of this fight.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to even smile,
But somehow I have to show that I am fine.
Cause it’s hard for people to understand,
So let them believe that you are in a wonderland,
Cause it’s hard to not pretend.
if you have any suggestions or questions please drop them in the comment box.
Hey guys how are you all lovely people doing? I am not that fine but that’s whole another topic. Today I am going to tell you some basic facts about myself so you can know me better, if you can relate with anything please tell me in the comment box below.
Dogs or cats? Dogs.
Favorite color: black.
Favorite band: one direction.
Favorite song: demons by imagine dragons.
Siblings: two elder sisters.
How many children I want: four.
Favorite you-tubers: okbaby.
Male celebrity crush: 1d (yes all of them).
Female celebrity crush : selena gomez.
Do I like to cook: Nope.
Pet peeves: nail noises and many more.
Favorite season: spring or winter.
be invisible or ability to fly?:ability to fly.
Thank you for reading if you have any questions i would love to answer them so please leave them in the comment box 🙂
Hey. It’s been a long time since I last posted I think about 10 days or something. Hope you all are doing well. Honesty last 2 weeks has been tough whenever I open my laptop to write a blog I just feel like I am stuck. When I am doing other things I have all these Ideas for my blog, sometimes I don’t write them down but mostly I do write them down In a note book but whenever I open my laptop and decide that I am going to write something my brain just won’t work and it feels like am stuck in this moment like the world is moving I just cannot move ughh … but today finally I am writing something and how my brain just started working suddenly? Well I don’t even know, its 2:00 am and I am sitting on my bed writing this blog, my brain is just weird like that, if you have any tips on this please leave them in comment box below. Btw in my blog “I am excited” I said I am going to post a haul but I didn’t do it because I thought that it will be weird to post just 2 or 3 things as a haul.
But I have a news for you guys that I just chopped all of my hair ( I mean not ALL of them).I use to have pretty long hair like till the middle of my back and now I have really short hair (they don’t even touch my shoulders) and trust me I was in shock and just as I got out of the hair salon I started crying I know that probably sounds really stupid but I was in shock but now I kind of like it, honestly I use to think that short hair styles are easier to style but nope they are harder as basically you cannot do anything with them.
This week am really trying to get ready for school, I am kind of stressed it’s my 11th year I have to study really hard and new people and basically everything new I am stressed because I am really bad at making friends.
If you have any tips or questions or if you have any suggestions for back to school blogs please leave then down in the comment box below.
Hey! These are just my thoughts about confusing feelings, nothing personal 🙂
You know what is the hardest thing to explain and the hardest thing to understand? Feelings yes feelings! Like when you were 6 and you saw that boy/girl in your classroom and you felt like there is something special, that he/she is the one you love but no these feelings they confuse us because after some years when you were in middle school you started liking someone else and then in high school you are liking/dating a completely different person, so why? Why do we feel the same feelings with all these different people? Why don’t we feel special and loved with only and only the right one why do we feel this love and then get broken why this person enters in your life and loves you, gives all the best of him or her and then leave , just get out of your life like nothing ever happened and this is why a lot of people in this world are scared of being loved, scared of catching feelings sacred of loving some which is one thing that you should not be scared of, one thing that you should do openly with all your heart without any insecurity that others are going to leave you but instead the ratio of people loving each other is much lower that people hating each other. And why those people who are suppose to love you sometimes hurt you so much that you don’t even love yourself ,why these people who say that they are always going to love you break you apart so much that you cannot even fix yourself?
I am talking about love and feelings not only between a girl and a boy, am talking about every relationship whether it’s with your mom or with your sibling or just any one.
if you don’t agree then remember that these are my views or opinion
This is what I wrote which lead me to writing this blog
I tried not to,
Think about you
I tried not to,
I tried not to,
But I end up trying not to,
Thanks for reading if you have any questions or suggestions leave them in the comment box.